


U is for Unicorn

by chileancarmenere



Series: Alistair Alphabet [21]
Category: Dragon Age
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-29
Updated: 2012-04-29
Packaged: 2017-11-04 13:29:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/394412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chileancarmenere/pseuds/chileancarmenere





	U is for Unicorn

Alistair knows that it’s a really bad idea, but after Leliana sends him off with a scorching “Maybe you shouldn’t question their _female-ness_ ,” in that sultry Orlesian accent and even Wynne has to comment on _swaying hindquarters_ , he’s so desperate for some good advice that Zevran seems like a good place to turn. After all, the Antivan elf is always bragging about his lovers, and, Maker damn him, sending those smoldering gazes Kaillian-ward. He’s got to know something about the business.

He picks his time carefully, when they are both scouting ahead of the main party. “Err…Zevran?”

“Speak your mind, my dear friend Alistair.” Zevran kneels down to examine a darkspawn track. “Hm. Old, but we should be cautious.”

Alistair scowls at the Antivan’s flowery manner. “I, um, you’ve…been with a lot of women, right?”

“Many is a relative term. It depends on your standards.”

“Riiiight. Well. What I wanted to know is, um, how do you, ah, _woo_ them? Is there…are there rules? A technique?”

Zevran straightens up. “You cannot be serious.”

Alistair wants to kick himself. He knew this was going to happen, he knew it and he went ahead and stuck his big foot in his mouth anyway. “Um, yes.”

Zevran grabs Alistair firmly by the shoulders. “My poor friend, tell me the truth. You can…see unicorns, as it were?”

“Huh?” Alistair has heard most of the innuendo over the years, but this is one he’s not familiar with.

“Oh. In Antiva, we have a legend. The lovely virginal youth goes into the forest, and spies a pure white unicorn. Only a virgin may capture the unicorn.”

“I’ve…never heard that story.”

“Then the virginal youth slits the throat of the unicorn and takes its horn as a prize,” Zevran adds matter-of-factly. “But this is all beside the point. You are telling me that you have never had the pleasure of wooing a woman?”

“No…”

Zevran drops his shoulders, muttering something in Antivan. “Pardon?”

The elf chuckles. “I said, you are going to be a difficult project. But fear not, my dear Alistair. I am not so cruel to leave you in the lurch.”

“I, um, thanks?” _What am I getting myself into?_

“Yes, someone should teach you the steps of the Antivan tango,” Zevran muses.

“I can dance the Remigold already,” Alistair says, irritated. “You’re telling me dancing the tango is a wooing technique?”

“Mm, it is, actually. But you see, Alistair…” Zevran leans in, so close that Alistair can smell the Antivan’s unique scent of citrus and sandalwood. “The Antivan tango is not a dance.”

He saunters off down the road, leaving Alistair staring openmouthed after him.


End file.
